At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
