Yo dont text me then not text me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
