trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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