The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
