Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
