They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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