I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
