I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
