did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
