come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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