By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
