Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
