I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
