Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
