maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
