why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
