she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
