how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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