I cockslap morals
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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