she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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