Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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