All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
COCAINE IS GR8
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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