I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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