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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
