Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
