she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
