It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
