dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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