My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
