The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
