this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
