I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The power of my boobs compel you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
