we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
