My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
