Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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