Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
