college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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