Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
