Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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