Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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