all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
