stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
there is glitter all over my balls
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize