Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
