I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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