so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
