apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
