just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
