I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
