i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
