you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
