3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They took my balls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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