OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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