The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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