My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
