oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
